Wants and Needs

Last night, Little Man screamed for over an hour when he should have been sleeping. He has never liked sleeping in a crib, and when he was first born, we attributed it to his mild reflux. He slept in a chair, in a swing, and in our arms, but did not want to go in the crib. So we could sleep, he ended up in the bed with us, and there he's been. Now, at 6 months, we are looking at sleep training, but it's just as much for him as us. Little Man cannot figure out how to get himself to sleep. He fusses and wriggles and cries, even when we are right next to him, talking, soothing, singing, touching -- if he's not being held (with me sitting up) he won't go down. And even when he does sleep, it's restless. I'm tired of the bags under his eyes. I'm tired of listening to him cry. Something needs to be done.

Part of the issue I think is that Little Man is at the age when wants and needs begin to differentiate. At birth, babies wants and needs are the same -- feeding, changing, cuddling, sleeping -- all are basic needs. While some people think that cuddling is a want, really it's as much a need as eating -- babies who don't get cuddled and loved don't thrive. It's a scientific fact. But now, at 6 months old, my LM knows the difference, and his wants are not necessairly his needs. He wants to be cuddled all the time, he needs to sleep. He wants to eat every other hour at night, he definitely doesn't need to (being that he has gone as long as 5 hours during the day). Wants and needs are not the same -- or are they?

I think that even as adults, we sometimes have issues differentiating wants and needs. Eastern philosophy is full of ideas about how to differentiate them. Buddhism is about letting go of all "wants" to achieve happiness. Confucianism states that we must want to follow strict rules and order to achieve serenity. In Taoism, if a want is one with the "way" we should not fight it, but if it leads us off of our natural path, then it is to be avoided.  So in some ways, Buddhism states we should differentiate wants and needs clearly and only go for the needs, Confucianism states we should learn to want what is right and orderly, and Taoism states that wants are really not bad as long as they keep us in harmony with nature.

So, back to my sleepless, cuddly son. His wants and needs are becoming separate things, but how to deal with it? Of the above philosophies, I favor Taoism the most, and currently my dear little man is most definitely not in harmony with nature. Since he is incapable of meditating on the Tao te Ching (I figure we have to wait until he can at least hold a book without eating it to work on that one), I must figure out how to apply it for him. Which of his wants are in tune with the Way? Well, since his fussing and crying unless he is being held is in conflict with MY way (I cannot sleep while holding him all night), and for now, my way and his way need to be the same way...

Really, we just need to get the boy to sleep on his own. And when he's older I'll totally weird him out when I explain how I thought about ancient Chinese philosophy when considering how.